by Eugene Vasconi, owner of Communication Arts and author of "Say What?  Do You Really Know What You Are Communicating"

One of the questions I get asked a lot as a communications consultant is how to read another person’s  body language.  Of course, this is a natural interest because we think that a quick course in “BL” will give us super powers – kind of like having X-Ray vision.

If you recall, Superman had a problem seeing through lead – his X-Ray vision was blocked.  As mere mortals, we have an even greater impediment to our use of body language reading.  And that is ... the complexity of everyone’s body!  Let me explain.

In my book “Say What?  You May Not Know What You Are Communicating,”  I deal with body language as a reasonable tool IF you know the limitations.  For example, you and I are having our first conversation and you are holding your arms around your body like a mummy.  WHAM!  My Body-Language-O-Meter is going nuts and the screen indicates that you are “CLOSED-CLOSED-CLOSED.

Guess our conversation is over – we’ll try again another day.  Glad I had my trust meter to tell me you were not receptive so I didn’t waste time. 

Unfortunately, my all-or-nothing meter didn’t indicate that you were having a perfectly enjoyable time but were standing under an air conditioning vent which was making you chilly.  I mistakenly took a single body language signal from you and translated it into a much bigger (and incorrect) interpretation in my desire to use my X-Ray body language vision.

My belief is that it is much more productive to use body language to maximize our communication style and not to try and ascertain another person’s hidden meanings.  In other words, power up your handshake to show your strength and force of will, make others feel closer to you by holding their elbow when you shake hands, emphasize your attentiveness as other speak, or make small nods as others talk to show you are interested.  These types of body language behaviors are easy to perceive by others versus more subtle or convoluted ones.  This puts you as the originator of a body language event instead of attempting to figure out what is coming your way.

If you feel a need to keep trying your X-Ray body language vision, remember to always look for behaviors in groups of three.  Don’t key on one single event like the wrapped arms...find other behaviors that reinforce it like darting eyes (showing disinterest) and tightly crossed legs.  At least you have improved the odds you may be correct.

A very important tip when attempting to use your X-Ray body language vision is that your accuracy percentage when trying to read another person goes up dramatically if you have had prior contact with them.  Why?  Because you will have developed a sense of what is normal for their behavior and things like cold sensitivity or being easily distracted can be dismissed when you see behaviors that tend toward these things. 

So, is your X-Ray body language power a help or a hindrance?  Maybe a little of each depending on how you understand its power and limitations.  Remember, even Superman used his X-Ray vision to scope out the situation first...but he still then needed to go smash down the wall to get the job done.

Good luck,
Gene