by Eugene Vasconi, owner of Communication Arts and author of "Say What? Do You Really Know What You Are Communicating"

As a speaker, author, and communication coach, I always try to explain things using examples and stories. Not that I am making a comparison, but one of the reasons Christ was so successful, was that he used a lot of parables and examples in his teaching. So, the technique is sound. Let’s try it here.

We have two armed camps out there in communication land. One camp shouts, “No, No, We Won’t Go!” when asked to attend a networking meeting or one-on-one encounter. The other camp yells, “No More Tweets!” as they exhaustedly slump from their computer keyboards. The one group we might call anti-social or geeky; the other we could call cheerleaders or social butterflies...if we wanted to label them. The muck that is clogging up each group’s pipeline is the same muck that is clogging up our country...polarization. The concept that it is either my way or not; right or wrong; left or right; yada-yada-yada. We end up with everyone on the planet being a partisan zealot while many don’t even know what they are "partising" about.

So, here is my example mentioned above. Effective communication is made up of many elements. This is why my book, “Say What: Do You Really Know What You Are Communicating?” has sixteen chapters. If all of this were simple, it would have one. But the proof of the communication pudding is how far you are willing to go with your one-sided stance. Do you sit in your office/bedroom all day on the computer and “network” electronically? Do you conduct business only by cell phone? Do you never see your clients?

How about this test. Hold your breath and let’s meet face to face except you are blindfolded. We’ll walk you into the room and make sure you don’t run into something. Now we are close. Take your wallet from your pants pocket or your purse and hold it in the flat palm of your hand. Stretch your hand out in my direction. Comfortable? Sweating a bit? Not certain what I am going to do? Well, I could hit you over the head, or simply snatch your wallet and run away. I could go behind you and tie you up. I could do all manner of things and you would never know what was coming because...you were not looking at me with your eyes. You didn’t see me coming.

This is my lesson here. Over the years many wise folks have penned even wiser sayings about the value of words versus actions or observing the scene. Like...

“Actions speak louder than words.”
“Seeing is believing”
“A man’s eyes are the windows to his soul.”
“Cold nose, warm heart”...uh...that doesn’t work. Never mind.

But you see that every day we violate our natural instincts and hand our wallet, feelings, bank account, trust and other valuable possessions to people we may have never even seen. Don’t know about you but this kind of makes a gong kinda sound in my brain when it happens.

Do you make large money deals over the phone with no face-to-face?
Do you put yourself at risk in a business deal on the thread of someone’s voice?
Do you send Nigerian officials your bank account information on the words in an e-mail?

If you do...sorry...but you are not taking care of yourself or your family very well. Of course, minor stuff like ordering a new pair of shoes or shirt on the web is acceptable. Why? Because supposedly your liability is small (even though it actually isn’t with identity theft). And, with how we do things today, there really isn’t much choice to hold your breath and trust that someone isn’t going to rip you off in any of dozens of ways.

The point of all of this? Do as much as you can to protect yourself and one of the best ways is to meet people in person when possible. That is essential in any kind of business or personal dealing . Would you marry someone you never laid eyes on? I am not even sure agreeing to a blind date without a safe lunch meeting first is even wise. So, use the same caution to protect yourself in every situation.

I consult in the business communication area. This is supposed to be non-personal, safe, ethical (more yada-yada). The reality if that 93% of the power of your message (both business and personal) is completely based on the visual cues you pick up when observing the other person. That means that only 7% of what is left in an encounter has any punch whatsoever...and that 7% is the words. The elements that create the most massive impact revolve around vocal delivery, facial activity, body language and such. How do you get that in an e-mail, on your iphone, ipad, ipod, i-yi-yiiii ! Well, you don’t, kids.

The more technology tries to help you hide in the bushes, the more thorns you are going to find stuck in your .... uh...you get it. Use the toys as helpers and not as crutches. We are people first and not machines. Get out and, as they say, press the flesh. But please... pull that dopey piece of plastic out of your ear when we’re talking.

Good luck,

Gene Vasconi